Burn Update

Well here we have the 2 legs together.

I was making breakfast today and this is exactly how the eggs fell in the bowl. I swear to god I did nothing to make them do this. I had loaded the bowl and went to mix it after tossing out the shells and saw this.

So I got the courage to take a bath cold bath to wash my wounds and hair. It was very painful. The skin is thin and ready to rub or roll off especially the deflated blisters that burst. I only have tiny blisters left smaller than a dime speckled all over my legs. All the big juicy ones have bust mostly in the bath when I was washing with a towel.
This is my stomach burns still red and sore but no more blisters.
This would be the outside of my right thigh the red patch near my knee had since been rubbed off by brushing up against the couch and is now raw flesh showing. I'm frustrated that I cant wear any bandages the ER doc said just let it breath. It weeps constantly I carry tissue with me not to blow my nose but to catch the dribble down my legs.
This is the inside of left thigh
This is the inside of my right thigh. it consists of mostly the top layer of skin just loose and waiting to be rubbed off, but I am scared to do it cuz the raw skin hurts more.


My cute boyfriend lays out everything he carries in his pockets on the bed in a neat and orderly fashion based of each pockets having its own pile it melts my heart when I see this. he will also streighten out the remotes on the sofa when we are hanging out watching TV.

I am So Dumb.....

So... Yesterday I had back surgery. I had an internal epidural steroid injection with 2 nerves being severed to reduce pain I have. I hate water so to stay hydrated all day I drink caffeine free Ices tea. I like to make it myself . I boil water and pour it into a thermos and throw in 2 bags of tea, my favorite flavor from starbucks " calm ". Well last night I was going through tea quickly, so i decided to make a triple batch of tea and store it in the fridge till I needed it. So, I got a glass pitcher that I use in the summer when its hot, i didn't think about it being 39 degrees outside last night. As I poured boiing hot water in the glass pitcher it shattered on the counter in front of me and all the hot water came splashing onto my legs. I was wearing sweat pants and a hoodie. As I pulled my pants off my skin pealed off with it. My boyfriend Ryan called the paramedics as iIstarted to go into shock. THIS IS MY RIGHT LEG
Right leg again
my Left leg
this is leaving the hospital the skin was rolling off i have seccond degree burns on 60% of the front of my thight on the right, and 30 % of my left leg and about 12 inches by 3 inches across my stomach.

This is my right neg the next morning (today Saturday 11/22/08) the shinny part is raw skin where the top layer just pealed off after the blisters pop. you can see the yellosh spots are the newest blister getting full
This is my left leg the next morning the big red patch is raw skin and the is blister you can see right next to it on the inner thigh that os the size of a silver dollar and hangs like a nut sack, I think its the next to burst.
Left leg again you can see the nutsck blister a little better here. Look closley the skin is ripping over it.
Outer part of my right leg next day. So I'm off work till 12/1/08 at least. As you can imagine I cant wear pants and its difficult wearing a skirt but at least I'm covered. I have to lift the front of the skirt off my legs when I walk its really embarrassing. They sent me home with 40 morphine tabs. I'm taking 2 /15 mg morphine every 3 hours and an additional on 30 min later if the pain isn't being reduced. I have to get a follow up and probably see a urn specialist before heading back to work. I have to file for disability on Monday.

My sweet boyfriend took me to Walgreens at 330 am to get medications on the way home form the emergency room. He bought me a tuperwear pitcher to use from now on to make my tea. I was so scared to make a new pot last night but I did, you have to get back up on the housre so to speak. This time I put the pitcher in the sink just in case it wanted to melt and burst, but it did great.

Well morphines is kicking in time for a nap.

back to being married OH well.

:( it will be over soon. "sigh"

Its Officail Im fianally FUCKING DIVORCED!!

thank you Washington county courts and Judge Latourey for a swift judgment filed July 7th! NOW lets party! Who wants a drink?!

Thats all!

Anja

Oh where oh where has my lil anja gone?

Sup kids. A friend emailed me and asked where I was if things were good and wanted to know if I blog still. I did abandon it and things are wellllllllllll ............not normal in life right now. you'd expect id have lots to say but I don't. I'm laying low. Mostly cuz tings i wanna say are private and I don't wanna share out of respect to people involved. once the dust has settled and life is back on track Ill blog again. I just don't have time or energy these days.

The Proudest Parent EVER!

Jade did it!! she passed the friendliness test and got her paper from the Doctor and now she is my service dog. She carries my wallet and keys and lipgloss and meds...  She got her vest and patches in the mail yesterday and she looks so good. 

I took her out to Safeway and no one bugged us and she walked next tot he cart the whole time sitting when we stopped and not bothering anyone. She seams to understand she is working.  I let people pet her when they ask and she eats up the attention. I mean look at her she's to cute to walk past. I am eager to take her to a restaurant and to work one day to see how she does. 

Challenging

I have been hanging out with lost of people this week that are super fun and I have been enjoying life a lot. Going to play texas hold um and pool and darts and movies and martini bars etc.... I have located my new future its just a matter of time now for the house to sell. The new place is Keizer Oregon its a small town like Antioch that boarders Salem. I got a new Job pending my background with t-mobile. I just need to finish jades service dog stuff and Ill be set New life altogether. 

New Job

New House

Newly Single

New town 

New Friends

Its mostly exciting to me that I am moving some where totally strange to me with a new job and shit and all alone. 

Im torn about a lot going on, but I have had some great distractions with new friends. I think its best to give up Jade, but I know Im the one whose gonna give her the best love and she may just need a dog walker to come by once a day and some training to go to work with me but I owe it to me and her to make it work she is all I have now mi familia. I will never be able to do it. 

There is so much I wanna share about what's going on who im hangin out with and what Im going, but can't out of respect to parties involved. I can say getting a divorce is turning out to be the best choice. I think its cliché but we were 2 different people who gave up a lot for eachother to try and make it work. In the long run we didn't have kids fortunatly and we have learned some lessons. Im really ready for life to move on. I feel like I Know more now and have had my eyes opened wide to things.

Anja

Life keeps sucking

I cant do it. I just cant do it. I don't know how its gonna happen, but i cant do it. I need help, and I have no one here to turn to. It sucks to be here all alone with just me to rely on, but i am excited to be standing truly on my own no matter how hard it is. Maybe one day Ill find what i deserve and be happy cuz lord knows i am struggling.


Its looking like I might have to give up my dog. My love. I don't know how Im gonna take care of her. Shell be alone up to 10 hours a day. I feel thats cruel I need to give her a better life than that. Its hard to deal with all this. She is my heart and I just cant do it but some times we have to be selfless and not selfish and Im not sure what to do. I need help. What should I do about my dog? i will be working 2 jobs to support myself so she will have a lot of alone time. If she gets hurt I am the only one to pay for it. Can I afford that on my own!!! What to do??? I made a commitment to her. Would she be better off in a no kill kennel in a cage or pin for hours all day or in my apartment air-conditioned and with toys and a bed. How do i know who ever adopts her wont use her for fighting and or testing?

Any Ideas/

Anja

i hate life

Im always second choice.... the back up..... when can I be the first choice and #1 only???

fuck this shit!

Anja

Picture this

There is a rock and a hard place and I am in the middle. The two other possible escape routes are 2 piles of shit one that has fermented for a while and one that is hot and steamy. My world is collapsing around me and I am not in the driver seat to regain the control. Out of respect to parties involved I wont talk about some things, but I can say a lot of choice has been taken from me and I am spiraling out of control quickly. I hold on with the tips of my fingers by seeing a therapist not sure if that really helps the way I need but at least I can talk to him. I just need to know when will it all be over and the dust settles?

I have to Find a new job,
Sell my house
make repairs to the house to sell
Move
find a place to move
and get a divorce.
And we owe $4700 in taxes!

Anyone wanna dump anything else on me. All I got left is Jade mess with that I will pull a gun on you.

Change is Coming

Look out life has a fucked up way of slapping you in the face. Now i have a reason to write a post secret to post secrets. 

i need to start a list of bad things a did and make them rite just like Earl.